2005-06-07

back it up, I'll take it

I realize I'm looking for an escape. I obsessively check my gmail, read other people's blogs, surf the web and generally avoid work in hopes of finding a tunnel out of here. it's all about my job.

my work is a cross between a dead-end and a dump. picture an alley where dump trucks keep pulling up and dumping their refuse (i.e. web tactics) on me. I spend my days digging through the stuff, usually addressing what need to be done most desparately and the steady flow of trucks keep sending in more.

instead of creating a system of managing the stream of to-dos, I simmer and freak out and stress and whine. and manage fires. occasionally, a new truck brings a task from a different driver that's above and beyond my field. you know, something fun like a company-wide exercise. just recently, we kicked off planning for 2006, just days past the halfway point of 2005.

people wonder why I'm not doing more in my little dead-end alley. why don't I erect something new? decorate the place? figure out some new work to pro-actively pursue? feeling like I'm drowning and struggling to keep my sanity isn't the most fertile ground for a window box of creativity flowers.

my lust for escape is enhanced by two co-workers recently announcing their departure. one's moving to Seattle and getting an MBA, and, oh yeah, she bought a house with her fiance. the other one has a serious health concern that she didn't want to be around here healing on top of the fact that her department is worse than my little loveshack of one. at least they are getting out of here.

I'm wearing an old ACT-UP/Paris shirt today that translates to: ANGER = ACTION. maybe I'm not angry enough. I have to start planning my escape. wandering around the Internet for a momentary distraction will not produce a fruitful future. just consuming other people's dreams won't get me closer to mine.

nor will it pay the mortgage.

earlier - later